Alyssa, from the beginning of your cover page, I really liked just the picture of the map. I thought it was a good idea in drawing in the reader to wonder what your storybook is going to be about. I do not know if you thought about adding a title or even just a quote or something on that page, but that could also be a good addition if you feel that it is too plain.
I really enjoyed your introduction. It was almost refreshing in not knowing what your storybook could be about. I liked the approach you took in making your introduction appeal to those who travel and also taking the approach as if someone wants to take a trip. I am not really sure what your stories for your storybook are going to be about, so if they transition from the idea of travel brochure type style, then it might be a good idea to make some sort of link that leads in to the stories. It would be even a cool idea to talk about each destination in present day and then bring about the history of the location and relate it to the Ramayana! Just some ideas, but I am looking forward to seeing where you take your stories from here!
Hi Alyssa, I really liked your idea for the storybook page. I am an Indian and I still don’t know what to do and where to go when I would go to India. The country does have a lot of history, culture, traditions, and stories. And that’s what makes the country so amazing and interesting. I never really get enough of hearing weird and strange stories from different cities and villages and your story book will add on to these stories. Your introduction was really good especially when you asked the reader straight forward questions, which got me engaged and interested in what you were about to talk about. You also did a great job of involving two cities and how they are special, with their own history giving me and future readers a good idea of what to expect from your stories that you will be posting. The layout of the page was also perfect, it caught my attention, at the same time it was easy on the eyes. Over all the introduction was perfect and you did a great job on it. The picture was also a really good addition to the page, because it didn’t make it seem plain. Other than, I really hope to be reading your guide of India!
Hi Alyssa! ! I just wanted to thank you for your input on my storybook project, Sita’s Story-- in Her Own Words. Your comments were really helpful for me to be able to see what I was portraying well and what I need to work on. I changed up my site design because I liked what you said about how the design should complement the story, so I worked to make it a little more related to my story. I'll be sure to bring up Rama more also. Thanks so much!
Hey Alyssa! So first off, I really loved your title for your storybook, "Visit Us, A Country with a Past." It really evokes a sense of history and cultural identity, and the map of India on your coverpage only serves to emphasize this theme. Right off the bat, you really draw the reader in. . .
Which transitions perfectly into the tone you set in your introduction! The idea of a travel guide to India, its history, its geography, and its culture is spot on. It allows you so much freedom to decide what points or stories to tell, and makes it easy to reference them in regards to physical locations. And emphasizing the uniqueness of India and the sites you are going to describe acts to draw the reader in even further, piquing curiosity on what they will find next.
When looking at your first story, I jumped ahead to look at the image and was kind of shocked, haha. It is a very riveting (and shocking!) image of Hanuman, and made me insanely curious on what was written above. And then, upon reading that, I really, really, really wanted to travel to the Hanuman Garhi! Your description of the temple painted such a fantastic picture, and then the stories you told of Hanuman described why the temple holds such meaning. I loved your storybook so far, and cannot wait to see where else you take us!!!
Good morning Alyssa! I absolutely love your storybook. The creation of a travel brochure and the incorporation of the epics we are reading is pretty ingenious. Not only are you selling the actual trip rather well, I feel as though you are also selling the religion rather well. Your advertising skills are very apparent and if you are ever trying to go into advertising I feel as though you would definitely excel. As for the background and style of your storybook I have to say it is a very well chosen and fitting for a brochure. The tan background is easy on the eyes and not super abrasive like a good number of other storybooks I have seen. If there were one thing I might request changing, it would probably just be the font. The font you used is a tad bit small but that’s about it. Moving onto the first story, I feel like you’re really putting forth a lot of effort in researching and investigating these specific areas. The details you elaborate on allow the reader to truly imagine the beauty of the places you are trying to sell. I look forward to reading more of your brochure as it comes out. Keep up the good work.
Hi Alyssa! I just wanted to say thank you for your feedback and comments! I really appreciated hearing what you thought about my storybook and what really stood out to you like the quote on my coverpage and the introduction of my characters! I hope that you have enjoyed reading my storybooks! Your feedback is always welcome and appreciated!
Hi Alyssa, thank you for leaving comments and helping me make my posts better. we have been put in the same group lots of times so I have gotten a lot of help from you. Thanks again and I hope you continue to comment on my page!
Hey, Alyssa! Great storybook so far- I hadn’t even remotely thought of writing my storybook as a travel brochure in modern day. In your author’s note, I read that you tried to be both persuasive and informative, and you did just that very well! I was really impressed. Also, the design of the storybook itself is great- not distracting from the text but helps add color and is aesthetically pleasing. The pictures you included as well were great and the picture with Hanuman tearing open his chest is nice and symbolic- it adds a lot to the story. I can tell you’ve done research outside of the text for class which is refreshing- you’re definitely putting in extra time to this project which is great. I’m interested to see where else you will put in your storybook since Hanuman’s temple was mentioned in the introduction and I don’t think I remembered you mentioning any other places. I would say you could make up something about a modern replica of Ravana’s lair but on second thought, I love how the information you put in the brochure is true since it is informative and I really like the direction you’re going. Keep up the great work!
Hi Alyssa! I love the idea of your storybook! It is very creative to use the format of a brochure for your writing style, and I think it is perfect for your idea! It is very common to find brochures that give ideas for historical places to visit, so it works great! I thought your introduction did a great job of persuading the audience to visit the places in India and introducing some of the places that will be included in your brochure. I also really liked the map on your coverpage! It was perfect! I really enjoyed reading about Hanuman Garhi as well! I could definitely tell that you put a lot of research into this in order to be able to tell us about both the Hanuman Garhi of the present, and how it came to be in the past. I really loved how loyal Hanuman was in the Ramayana, so I'm glad you chose to talk about his love and loyalty for Rama and Sita. The image you chose for this story was very appropriate! Based on your brochure, I would love to travel to the Hanuman Garhi! I look forward to hearing about the next place you will write about in your brochure! Excellent job!
Hi Alyssa! I love the way you have your storybook set up so far. The title made me want to read more about the topic, drawing on my curiosity to open the storybook and start exploring. I love the idea of having your book set up like a travel brochure. The cover page gives an idea of what you will be talking about, what with the image of the map, while your introduction cements the idea of traveling. You do an amazing job at selling India as a vacation spot, both for historical and aesthetic reasoning. No matter what reason a person is traveling for, you make it seem as if there is a specific trip meant just for them. The color scheme that you chose to use fits well with the type of storybook you are making. Your arguments are both persuasive and informative, making the reader at the very least want to learn more about India as a potential travel spot. The different locations that you describe all sound amazing. I like how you discuss a little bit about the religion in India during your description of the different travel areas. It gives an idea of some of the culture present during a trip. You are doing a great job so far. I look forward to learning about more of the travel areas in India!
Hi Alyssa! This week I was assigned to your storybook! Since I already read some of it last week for my free choice, I was excited to see that you had added another story. I love the place you chose for yout second story, the Triveni Sangam. I thought you did an excellent job of persuading your reader to visit the Triveni Sangam, while also giving a thorough history of the place. Based on reading your brochure, I think I would really love to visit this place. I thought it was very interesting that each of the rivers that converge have such different qualities. It was also interesting to read about the fight that broke out between the gods and demons at the river, as well as the story of why people consider the water to be gifted with immortality. I agree with what you said in your author's note, I think it would be difficult to find a location in India that did not have some religious background, because that seems to be a very important part of the culture. My only critique would be that some of your third paragraph seemed to be a little bit redundant, but other than that I loved learning about the Triveni Sangam! I thought the pictures you chose of the Triveni Sangam really showed the beauty of it! Keep up the good work!
I loved reading your StoryBook! The title caught my eye, so I picked you for my last comment! Having your book laid out as a travel brochure is a very creative idea that did not even cross my mind! I haven't seen anyone else use this, so that's awesome! The color scheme and first picture really brought your idea together. Your introduction was also a smooth entry into your first story. I liked how you gave the readers a quick peek into what they were about to get themselves into. Reading your intro and stories made me want to pack my stuff and travel to India to explore and experience all the culture and religion over there. Your stories are very well thought out and put together. I can tell that you've spent a lot of time writing and perfecting them and that you've done your own research and stuff to make sure that they're well informative. I like the picture that you included in your first story and I am glad that you wrote about Hanuman's devotion to Rama and Sita. It's crazy how much Hanuman does for them. He's truly one of my favorite characters. The Triveni Sangam also looks very beautiful and you sold it to me perfectly. I definitely hope to one day be able to see that spot. Great job on finding these awesome places and relating them back to the Epics! I think you're doing a fantastic job. Keep it up!
Hi Alyssa! How have you been? I feel like I haven't see you in so long. Your Storybook looks awesome so far! Your coverpage really looks like a map which is so fitting with the image you chose! It really caught my attention! The brochure idea for your introduction is so clever and original! Did you think of it on your own? Your writing is very catchy and easy to follow along with which is great! I am looking forward to seeing how your stories tie in with this. Your first story looks great so far! I like reading about Hanuman's temple! It was very interesting. The picture you chose is very catchy! I like how you tied and story and location in to make the brochure theme work! Great job! I am looking forward to reading your future story posts in your storybook!
Hi Alyssa! This is the first time i've seen your storybook and it was really good! I like your layout a lot, it was simple and did not distract from your writing. I would consider making your font a little bigger. When there is that much information, it makes it easer to read when the font is larger. The brochure idea was very clever and unique. I like how you put rhetorical questions in your dialogue because that is exactly how real brochures are! I like how your intro gave a little bit of a insight into what was coming without giving too much away. Giving a few facts about a couple of the places keeps your reader drawn in. However, you did a good job not giving too much away. You made India sound like a very cool place, it makes me want to visit myself! Both of your stories look really good, you gave a ton of good info ration without making it boring. Be sure to not assume your reader knows who Rama and Sita are. Anyone in this class would but maybe give a little more insight to their background if they're going to continue to be a big part of your stories. Great job! Can't wait to read more of your stories as the semester goes on!
I like the idea for your storybook, it's different from the others I've seen in the class. I think you could make the pages a little nicer looking, maybe add some more pictures. The font was also very small and blocky.
The intro reads very much like a travel guide. You fit that style very well. It's maybe a little boring, but it works fine for the intro. Hopefully your stories will have more characters and action.
The first story follows this pattern. You give a lot of good information and tell it in a way that fits your travel guide theme. There's a bit more storytelling here, since you go into the legend. It still seems a little dry to me. I agree with Carrie, there are some places where you could give more background information and elaborate on the story, instead of assuming the reader knows the background.
I really liked your cover page! I think that the colors you picked are great and work well with your theme. I really like the picture you chose, I think it is simple but really does a good job of giving insight to what the following stories are going to be about! I think it is a great idea that you decided to put the picture in the center of the cover page. I feel that when the picture is off to one side it is awkward and distracts the eye, so great job with the cover page!
I love your introduction post! I think that it is so creative that you decided to model this after a travel brochure. I have not seen that type of a storybook from anyone else so I think it is a great and very unique idea! I love how you chose India as the location that the remaining stories of the storybook would be about. Also how you shared how there are historical/geographical and so many other destinations that one could travel to! I think that this is a great story so far and that it will only get better! I look forward to checking back in!
On first visiting your storybook page I noticed the image of a map of India. I think this is a great choice for a storybook about visiting India. Your homepage had a very nice layout and was easy to navigate. Also, all your links were in the correct order. I thought your introduction did an excellent idea of selling India as a travel destination. You make India sound appealing to a wide variety of potential travelers. I also like the way you tied in elements from the story into the introduction.
I like that in your first story you recognize that travelers are motivated by a wide range of things. By recognizing this I think that you gain authority as someone giving travel advice to others. It makes it seem that you are aware of these motives, and have travel advice that will be good for everyone out there. I think you did a good job of showing us the appeal of Hanuman Garhi as a travel destination while also giving a background with regards to The Ramayana. I enjoyed the information regarding the importance of the Hanuman Garhi within the context of Hinduism. Keep up the good work, I'll be back for more travel advice.
Hi Alyssa, I chose you to be the third person to comment on mostly because I remember reading your introduction for your storybook and was interested in coming back and reading more but I never got the chance to. I learned a lot from reading your Hanuman Garhi post, even though I am Indian and a Hindu I didn’t really know about this temple or its importance so it was a really interesting read. I could also tell that you took the time and effort and put in some research into your work. I find it really cool how Hanuman remained modest and humble after helping a god in finding his wife and helping him get her back. Without hanuman it would not have been possible for Ram to find Sita and succeed in his quest. And when both Ram and Sita thank him for what he had done, he never got full of himself and remained devoted to Ram, and instead ripped his chest open to prove his love for Ram and Sita. I think your story did an excellent job of explaining the importance of Hanuman Garhi and of backing up Hanuman! Overall I thought it was a fun read and definitely will be back for more.
Hey Alyssa, great job with your storybook so far! I must say you are a great writer and I love how you presented all the stories in your storybook. I love the layout and how you expressed it all through your book. Your title for your storybook is what caught my attention because I automatically wanted to see what your storybook was about and you did not disappoint me. I love the map of India as your cover page it is great! I think your introduction is solid because it grabs the reader's attention quite well and makes the reader want to read more and more which is awesome! I think your titles and picture choices for the book are solid. I think you chose the right titles and pictures because they make the reading easier and fun to read. You wrote all three stories really well and I enjoyed reading them! You did a great job on this storybook like really a great job! I liked how to portrayed Hanuman in your story even though the idea was to introduce your readers to a new place. I thought that was a great unique idea! You did a great job with the stories again. Good job!
I think I have ventured into your storybook project before, so this week I decided to read some of your stories instead of commenting on the introduction. The first story I read was about Triventi Sangam. I think one of my favorite parts about your storybook is how easily it seques into each location. The travel brochure format works well with your concept, so I'm glad you went with that. I originally thought about doing a locations-based project when starting my storybook, but I felt my ideas were too dry, especially in comparison to yours. I also liked how you used each location as a way to give a minor history lesson, like describing how Allahabad comes from Moghul rule. It's actually quite impressive the amount of detail you manage to include and how you tie it in to the Mahabhrata. One thing I would suggest for your page overall is to either add more pictures, or just try to include the pictures in your text instead of at the end. I think that might help break up any of the monotony in the reading. I had no idea how huge of a deal the Kumbha Mela was, which learning these kinds of things was one of the reasons I decided to take this class! Good work.
Hi Alyssa, This is the first time that I am looking at your storybook and I am loving the concept that you decided to work with. A travel brochure is a such a goof idea since you are able to include various epic stories while also providing legitimate information about places to go within India. I think you chose a good background for your theme, it is fairly basic yet inviting to the reader. I decided to just read your introduction and first story that way I could read your other two pieces during another week. Your introduction did a great job of drawing me in and getting me interested in what places you would be discussing the rest of the time. It also provided a good amount of background history for the country as a whole. I really liked how your first story not only depicted a popular place to visit but also had a story to go along with it. I love all of the stories about Hanuman and it is interesting to see that there is a temple that honors his loyalty and commitment to Rama. Overall I thinking you are doing an amazing job and I am excited to read the rest of your Storybook.
In your first story about the Hanuman Garhi I think you did a great job explaining why this is an important place for Indians. This site is very important for religious and cultural reasons, and you made that very clear. I like how the Hanuman Garhi ties in with the epic, and even has depictions of Rama. I found it very interesting that people were attracted to the site not for its' physical beauty, but for its importance in Hindu culture. The Triveni Sangam sounds like a very interesting place in Hindu lore! The coming together of two mighty rivers would already be a great sight, but adding in a goddess makes this a very special place. I think you did a great job explaining the spiritual significance of the place. If I go there, I will take your warning and make sure I don't go during the Kumbh Mela. I don't like large crowds, and that sounds atrocious. The image you found of the Kumbh Mela at the Triveni Sangam is good enough for me. The Elephanta Caves sound like I place I would like to visit. Your description of the place makes it sound magical, and the images on your storybook back that up!
Hi Alyssa! I believe this is the first time I’ve been to your storybook, so I’ll comment on all of the pages. Your layout is very plain: just text on a white background. I don’t know if you were wanting that plain, clean look or not, just note that that was the first thing I noticed. Since this is supposed to be a travel brochure, have you considered making the text be in three columns with pictures placed in the middle of paragraphs, like you’ve just opened up a pamphlet? You seem to mention the brochure a lot in the intro. Have you thought about talking about your third location in the introduction? In the first story you say “no one person” when I think it would sound better “no two people.” I really like the cultural information you give in these stories. Have you considered giving the next date the Kumbah Mela will be at Triveni Sangam? Have you considered putting the pictures in with the text? It would feel more like a travel brochure to me if I saw where they were talking about before or while I read about it. In the third story, what does “lingam” mean? What is a “lingam form” and what does it look like? I really like the concept of your storybook! I noticed a few grammatical errors here and there, but for the most part this is quite good!
Hi Alyssa! I decided to revisit your story book this week because I loved the way that it was developing the first time that I looked at it. It is coming along really well! I still love the way you chose to incorporate travel and learning into one in your storybook. I think that it would be really helpful in choosing when and where to travel if travel agencies or websites provided you with information like what you are writing. If there were ideas given for where to visit, as well as why this would be a good destination and what there was to do there, travel to that location would increase dramatically due to the fact that the people traveling wouldn't have to do that research themselves and then decide if it was worth it or not. I love the way that you give a brief history lesson for each storybook entry, allowing the reader to know the important information, as least to us, about the location you focused on for the chapter. Your writing is engaging and made me want to travel to the different places that you were talking about. One suggestion that I would give, in order to make it more like a travel brochure, would be to add more pictures throughout the story, showing the different things as they are discussed. Other than that, great job!
Hello Alyssa. This is my first visit to your storybook and I think you have a done a good job. I took a peek at your blog introduction and it seems that you have chosen a storybook that goes right along with your interests so that is good because you are writing about a subject you know about. Your layout is great. You chose a title that gives the reader enough information so that they know what they are getting in to. The cover page picture you chose is great. To say it stands out is an understatement. The picture is huge. Taking the reader on a virtual tour of India was a great way to give the reader some information about the country while at the same time being able to tell the story of some of the characters. You did a great job of writing this from the perspective of someone that was looking to travel, so when reading you storybook it made me want to visit India and see some of these sites. Overall I think you have a done a great job with your storybook.
Hi Alyssa! I really enjoyed looking over your storybook this week and reading some of your awesome stories. Your story book seems really interesting and it shows how passionate you are about the topic you chose. Your layout was really easy to follow and I had no trouble navigating around your storybook. Your title is also really interesting. When I first looked over it, the title really sucked me in and made me want to read more. I always like reading things with catchy titles, so your story book really hooked me in! Your picture on the front is amazing as well. I am a big visual person, so the huge picture on the front page really attracted me. I thought your idea of taking people on a virtual tour of India is a great and unique idea. I have never been to India before, but really want to go in the future when I have enough time and money (which will probably be when I retire 40 years on down the road!). Overall, your storybook shows your passion to travel and see the world and it really made me want to go hop on a plane and see the world as well! Great job!
Hey good afternoon Alyssa! I just finished reading your Storybook or I guess I should call it travel brochure. Anyways, I have to say, it was absolutely fantastic. First off I really liked the background, it really made it feel as though I was reading through a high class travel booklet. I also liked how it wasn’t anything super colorful or abrasive like some storybooks. The format also made it easy to navigate and go from one location to the next. Your choice of font was well chosen as well, It made the reading easy on the eyes and wasn’t anything too hard or to difficult to decipher. As for the story, the imagery and information you shared on the places truly pulled me in. The touring around these beautiful places made me want to travel to every single one of the locations myself. I feel as though you highlighted the significance of each place very well too. I was able to actually connect and imagine the characters that had been apart of making these locations so famous. The pictures you chose to add to each story was great because you could actually put an image to the awesome things you described. All the pictures were also very high quality and were for the most part pictures I had never seen before. One thing I do wish you would have added is a phone number to book a trip. It was a real pleasure reading your Storybook. Best of luck with the rest of the semester.
Alyssa, from the beginning of your cover page, I really liked just the picture of the map. I thought it was a good idea in drawing in the reader to wonder what your storybook is going to be about. I do not know if you thought about adding a title or even just a quote or something on that page, but that could also be a good addition if you feel that it is too plain.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your introduction. It was almost refreshing in not knowing what your storybook could be about. I liked the approach you took in making your introduction appeal to those who travel and also taking the approach as if someone wants to take a trip. I am not really sure what your stories for your storybook are going to be about, so if they transition from the idea of travel brochure type style, then it might be a good idea to make some sort of link that leads in to the stories. It would be even a cool idea to talk about each destination in present day and then bring about the history of the location and relate it to the Ramayana! Just some ideas, but I am looking forward to seeing where you take your stories from here!
Hi Alyssa, I really liked your idea for the storybook page. I am an Indian and I still don’t know what to do and where to go when I would go to India. The country does have a lot of history, culture, traditions, and stories. And that’s what makes the country so amazing and interesting. I never really get enough of hearing weird and strange stories from different cities and villages and your story book will add on to these stories. Your introduction was really good especially when you asked the reader straight forward questions, which got me engaged and interested in what you were about to talk about. You also did a great job of involving two cities and how they are special, with their own history giving me and future readers a good idea of what to expect from your stories that you will be posting. The layout of the page was also perfect, it caught my attention, at the same time it was easy on the eyes. Over all the introduction was perfect and you did a great job on it. The picture was also a really good addition to the page, because it didn’t make it seem plain. Other than, I really hope to be reading your guide of India!
ReplyDeleteHi Alyssa! ! I just wanted to thank you for your input on my storybook project, Sita’s Story-- in Her Own Words. Your comments were really helpful for me to be able to see what I was portraying well and what I need to work on. I changed up my site design because I liked what you said about how the design should complement the story, so I worked to make it a little more related to my story. I'll be sure to bring up Rama more also. Thanks so much!
ReplyDeleteHey Alyssa! So first off, I really loved your title for your storybook, "Visit Us, A Country with a Past." It really evokes a sense of history and cultural identity, and the map of India on your coverpage only serves to emphasize this theme. Right off the bat, you really draw the reader in. . .
ReplyDeleteWhich transitions perfectly into the tone you set in your introduction! The idea of a travel guide to India, its history, its geography, and its culture is spot on. It allows you so much freedom to decide what points or stories to tell, and makes it easy to reference them in regards to physical locations. And emphasizing the uniqueness of India and the sites you are going to describe acts to draw the reader in even further, piquing curiosity on what they will find next.
When looking at your first story, I jumped ahead to look at the image and was kind of shocked, haha. It is a very riveting (and shocking!) image of Hanuman, and made me insanely curious on what was written above. And then, upon reading that, I really, really, really wanted to travel to the Hanuman Garhi! Your description of the temple painted such a fantastic picture, and then the stories you told of Hanuman described why the temple holds such meaning. I loved your storybook so far, and cannot wait to see where else you take us!!!
Good morning Alyssa! I absolutely love your storybook. The creation of a travel brochure and the incorporation of the epics we are reading is pretty ingenious. Not only are you selling the actual trip rather well, I feel as though you are also selling the religion rather well. Your advertising skills are very apparent and if you are ever trying to go into advertising I feel as though you would definitely excel. As for the background and style of your storybook I have to say it is a very well chosen and fitting for a brochure. The tan background is easy on the eyes and not super abrasive like a good number of other storybooks I have seen. If there were one thing I might request changing, it would probably just be the font. The font you used is a tad bit small but that’s about it. Moving onto the first story, I feel like you’re really putting forth a lot of effort in researching and investigating these specific areas. The details you elaborate on allow the reader to truly imagine the beauty of the places you are trying to sell. I look forward to reading more of your brochure as it comes out. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteHi Alyssa! I just wanted to say thank you for your feedback and comments! I really appreciated hearing what you thought about my storybook and what really stood out to you like the quote on my coverpage and the introduction of my characters! I hope that you have enjoyed reading my storybooks! Your feedback is always welcome and appreciated!
ReplyDeleteHi Alyssa, thank you for leaving comments and helping me make my posts better. we have been put in the same group lots of times so I have gotten a lot of help from you. Thanks again and I hope you continue to comment on my page!
ReplyDeleteHey, Alyssa! Great storybook so far- I hadn’t even remotely thought of writing my storybook as a travel brochure in modern day. In your author’s note, I read that you tried to be both persuasive and informative, and you did just that very well! I was really impressed. Also, the design of the storybook itself is great- not distracting from the text but helps add color and is aesthetically pleasing. The pictures you included as well were great and the picture with Hanuman tearing open his chest is nice and symbolic- it adds a lot to the story. I can tell you’ve done research outside of the text for class which is refreshing- you’re definitely putting in extra time to this project which is great. I’m interested to see where else you will put in your storybook since Hanuman’s temple was mentioned in the introduction and I don’t think I remembered you mentioning any other places. I would say you could make up something about a modern replica of Ravana’s lair but on second thought, I love how the information you put in the brochure is true since it is informative and I really like the direction you’re going. Keep up the great work!
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ReplyDeleteHi Alyssa! I love the idea of your storybook! It is very creative to use the format of a brochure for your writing style, and I think it is perfect for your idea! It is very common to find brochures that give ideas for historical places to visit, so it works great! I thought your introduction did a great job of persuading the audience to visit the places in India and introducing some of the places that will be included in your brochure. I also really liked the map on your coverpage! It was perfect! I really enjoyed reading about Hanuman Garhi as well! I could definitely tell that you put a lot of research into this in order to be able to tell us about both the Hanuman Garhi of the present, and how it came to be in the past. I really loved how loyal Hanuman was in the Ramayana, so I'm glad you chose to talk about his love and loyalty for Rama and Sita. The image you chose for this story was very appropriate! Based on your brochure, I would love to travel to the Hanuman Garhi! I look forward to hearing about the next place you will write about in your brochure! Excellent job!
ReplyDeleteHi Alyssa! I love the way you have your storybook set up so far. The title made me want to read more about the topic, drawing on my curiosity to open the storybook and start exploring. I love the idea of having your book set up like a travel brochure. The cover page gives an idea of what you will be talking about, what with the image of the map, while your introduction cements the idea of traveling. You do an amazing job at selling India as a vacation spot, both for historical and aesthetic reasoning. No matter what reason a person is traveling for, you make it seem as if there is a specific trip meant just for them. The color scheme that you chose to use fits well with the type of storybook you are making. Your arguments are both persuasive and informative, making the reader at the very least want to learn more about India as a potential travel spot. The different locations that you describe all sound amazing. I like how you discuss a little bit about the religion in India during your description of the different travel areas. It gives an idea of some of the culture present during a trip. You are doing a great job so far. I look forward to learning about more of the travel areas in India!
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ReplyDeleteHi Alyssa! This week I was assigned to your storybook! Since I already read some of it last week for my free choice, I was excited to see that you had added another story. I love the place you chose for yout second story, the Triveni Sangam. I thought you did an excellent job of persuading your reader to visit the Triveni Sangam, while also giving a thorough history of the place. Based on reading your brochure, I think I would really love to visit this place. I thought it was very interesting that each of the rivers that converge have such different qualities. It was also interesting to read about the fight that broke out between the gods and demons at the river, as well as the story of why people consider the water to be gifted with immortality. I agree with what you said in your author's note, I think it would be difficult to find a location in India that did not have some religious background, because that seems to be a very important part of the culture. My only critique would be that some of your third paragraph seemed to be a little bit redundant, but other than that I loved learning about the Triveni Sangam! I thought the pictures you chose of the Triveni Sangam really showed the beauty of it! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteAlyssa,
ReplyDeleteI loved reading your StoryBook! The title caught my eye, so I picked you for my last comment! Having your book laid out as a travel brochure is a very creative idea that did not even cross my mind! I haven't seen anyone else use this, so that's awesome! The color scheme and first picture really brought your idea together. Your introduction was also a smooth entry into your first story. I liked how you gave the readers a quick peek into what they were about to get themselves into. Reading your intro and stories made me want to pack my stuff and travel to India to explore and experience all the culture and religion over there. Your stories are very well thought out and put together. I can tell that you've spent a lot of time writing and perfecting them and that you've done your own research and stuff to make sure that they're well informative. I like the picture that you included in your first story and I am glad that you wrote about Hanuman's devotion to Rama and Sita. It's crazy how much Hanuman does for them. He's truly one of my favorite characters. The Triveni Sangam also looks very beautiful and you sold it to me perfectly. I definitely hope to one day be able to see that spot. Great job on finding these awesome places and relating them back to the Epics! I think you're doing a fantastic job. Keep it up!
Hi Alyssa! How have you been? I feel like I haven't see you in so long. Your Storybook looks awesome so far! Your coverpage really looks like a map which is so fitting with the image you chose! It really caught my attention! The brochure idea for your introduction is so clever and original! Did you think of it on your own? Your writing is very catchy and easy to follow along with which is great! I am looking forward to seeing how your stories tie in with this. Your first story looks great so far! I like reading about Hanuman's temple! It was very interesting. The picture you chose is very catchy! I like how you tied and story and location in to make the brochure theme work! Great job! I am looking forward to reading your future story posts in your storybook!
ReplyDeleteHi Alyssa!
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time i've seen your storybook and it was really good! I like your layout a lot, it was simple and did not distract from your writing. I would consider making your font a little bigger. When there is that much information, it makes it easer to read when the font is larger.
The brochure idea was very clever and unique. I like how you put rhetorical questions in your dialogue because that is exactly how real brochures are!
I like how your intro gave a little bit of a insight into what was coming without giving too much away. Giving a few facts about a couple of the places keeps your reader drawn in. However, you did a good job not giving too much away.
You made India sound like a very cool place, it makes me want to visit myself!
Both of your stories look really good, you gave a ton of good info ration without making it boring. Be sure to not assume your reader knows who Rama and Sita are. Anyone in this class would but maybe give a little more insight to their background if they're going to continue to be a big part of your stories.
Great job! Can't wait to read more of your stories as the semester goes on!
I like the idea for your storybook, it's different from the others I've seen in the class. I think you could make the pages a little nicer looking, maybe add some more pictures. The font was also very small and blocky.
ReplyDeleteThe intro reads very much like a travel guide. You fit that style very well. It's maybe a little boring, but it works fine for the intro. Hopefully your stories will have more characters and action.
The first story follows this pattern. You give a lot of good information and tell it in a way that fits your travel guide theme. There's a bit more storytelling here, since you go into the legend. It still seems a little dry to me. I agree with Carrie, there are some places where you could give more background information and elaborate on the story, instead of assuming the reader knows the background.
I really liked your cover page! I think that the colors you picked are great and work well with your theme. I really like the picture you chose, I think it is simple but really does a good job of giving insight to what the following stories are going to be about! I think it is a great idea that you decided to put the picture in the center of the cover page. I feel that when the picture is off to one side it is awkward and distracts the eye, so great job with the cover page!
ReplyDeleteI love your introduction post! I think that it is so creative that you decided to model this after a travel brochure. I have not seen that type of a storybook from anyone else so I think it is a great and very unique idea! I love how you chose India as the location that the remaining stories of the storybook would be about. Also how you shared how there are historical/geographical and so many other destinations that one could travel to! I think that this is a great story so far and that it will only get better! I look forward to checking back in!
On first visiting your storybook page I noticed the image of a map of India. I think this is a great choice for a storybook about visiting India. Your homepage had a very nice layout and was easy to navigate. Also, all your links were in the correct order. I thought your introduction did an excellent idea of selling India as a travel destination. You make India sound appealing to a wide variety of potential travelers. I also like the way you tied in elements from the story into the introduction.
ReplyDeleteI like that in your first story you recognize that travelers are motivated by a wide range of things. By recognizing this I think that you gain authority as someone giving travel advice to others. It makes it seem that you are aware of these motives, and have travel advice that will be good for everyone out there. I think you did a good job of showing us the appeal of Hanuman Garhi as a travel destination while also giving a background with regards to The Ramayana. I enjoyed the information regarding the importance of the Hanuman Garhi within the context of Hinduism. Keep up the good work, I'll be back for more travel advice.
Hi Alyssa, I chose you to be the third person to comment on mostly because I remember reading your introduction for your storybook and was interested in coming back and reading more but I never got the chance to. I learned a lot from reading your Hanuman Garhi post, even though I am Indian and a Hindu I didn’t really know about this temple or its importance so it was a really interesting read. I could also tell that you took the time and effort and put in some research into your work. I find it really cool how Hanuman remained modest and humble after helping a god in finding his wife and helping him get her back. Without hanuman it would not have been possible for Ram to find Sita and succeed in his quest. And when both Ram and Sita thank him for what he had done, he never got full of himself and remained devoted to Ram, and instead ripped his chest open to prove his love for Ram and Sita. I think your story did an excellent job of explaining the importance of Hanuman Garhi and of backing up Hanuman! Overall I thought it was a fun read and definitely will be back for more.
ReplyDeleteHey Alyssa, great job with your storybook so far! I must say you are a great writer and I love how you presented all the stories in your storybook. I love the layout and how you expressed it all through your book. Your title for your storybook is what caught my attention because I automatically wanted to see what your storybook was about and you did not disappoint me. I love the map of India as your cover page it is great! I think your introduction is solid because it grabs the reader's attention quite well and makes the reader want to read more and more which is awesome! I think your titles and picture choices for the book are solid. I think you chose the right titles and pictures because they make the reading easier and fun to read. You wrote all three stories really well and I enjoyed reading them! You did a great job on this storybook like really a great job! I liked how to portrayed Hanuman in your story even though the idea was to introduce your readers to a new place. I thought that was a great unique idea! You did a great job with the stories again. Good job!
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ReplyDeleteI think I have ventured into your storybook project before, so this week I decided to read some of your stories instead of commenting on the introduction. The first story I read was about Triventi Sangam. I think one of my favorite parts about your storybook is how easily it seques into each location. The travel brochure format works well with your concept, so I'm glad you went with that. I originally thought about doing a locations-based project when starting my storybook, but I felt my ideas were too dry, especially in comparison to yours. I also liked how you used each location as a way to give a minor history lesson, like describing how Allahabad comes from Moghul rule. It's actually quite impressive the amount of detail you manage to include and how you tie it in to the Mahabhrata. One thing I would suggest for your page overall is to either add more pictures, or just try to include the pictures in your text instead of at the end. I think that might help break up any of the monotony in the reading. I had no idea how huge of a deal the Kumbha Mela was, which learning these kinds of things was one of the reasons I decided to take this class! Good work.
Hi Alyssa,
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time that I am looking at your storybook and I am loving the concept that you decided to work with. A travel brochure is a such a goof idea since you are able to include various epic stories while also providing legitimate information about places to go within India. I think you chose a good background for your theme, it is fairly basic yet inviting to the reader. I decided to just read your introduction and first story that way I could read your other two pieces during another week. Your introduction did a great job of drawing me in and getting me interested in what places you would be discussing the rest of the time. It also provided a good amount of background history for the country as a whole. I really liked how your first story not only depicted a popular place to visit but also had a story to go along with it. I love all of the stories about Hanuman and it is interesting to see that there is a temple that honors his loyalty and commitment to Rama. Overall I thinking you are doing an amazing job and I am excited to read the rest of your Storybook.
In your first story about the Hanuman Garhi I think you did a great job explaining why this is an important place for Indians. This site is very important for religious and cultural reasons, and you made that very clear. I like how the Hanuman Garhi ties in with the epic, and even has depictions of Rama. I found it very interesting that people were attracted to the site not for its' physical beauty, but for its importance in Hindu culture. The Triveni Sangam sounds like a very interesting place in Hindu lore! The coming together of two mighty rivers would already be a great sight, but adding in a goddess makes this a very special place. I think you did a great job explaining the spiritual significance of the place. If I go there, I will take your warning and make sure I don't go during the Kumbh Mela. I don't like large crowds, and that sounds atrocious. The image you found of the Kumbh Mela at the Triveni Sangam is good enough for me. The Elephanta Caves sound like I place I would like to visit. Your description of the place makes it sound magical, and the images on your storybook back that up!
ReplyDeleteHi Alyssa! I believe this is the first time I’ve been to your storybook, so I’ll comment on all of the pages. Your layout is very plain: just text on a white background. I don’t know if you were wanting that plain, clean look or not, just note that that was the first thing I noticed. Since this is supposed to be a travel brochure, have you considered making the text be in three columns with pictures placed in the middle of paragraphs, like you’ve just opened up a pamphlet? You seem to mention the brochure a lot in the intro. Have you thought about talking about your third location in the introduction? In the first story you say “no one person” when I think it would sound better “no two people.” I really like the cultural information you give in these stories. Have you considered giving the next date the Kumbah Mela will be at Triveni Sangam? Have you considered putting the pictures in with the text? It would feel more like a travel brochure to me if I saw where they were talking about before or while I read about it. In the third story, what does “lingam” mean? What is a “lingam form” and what does it look like? I really like the concept of your storybook! I noticed a few grammatical errors here and there, but for the most part this is quite good!
ReplyDeleteHi Alyssa! I decided to revisit your story book this week because I loved the way that it was developing the first time that I looked at it. It is coming along really well! I still love the way you chose to incorporate travel and learning into one in your storybook. I think that it would be really helpful in choosing when and where to travel if travel agencies or websites provided you with information like what you are writing. If there were ideas given for where to visit, as well as why this would be a good destination and what there was to do there, travel to that location would increase dramatically due to the fact that the people traveling wouldn't have to do that research themselves and then decide if it was worth it or not. I love the way that you give a brief history lesson for each storybook entry, allowing the reader to know the important information, as least to us, about the location you focused on for the chapter. Your writing is engaging and made me want to travel to the different places that you were talking about. One suggestion that I would give, in order to make it more like a travel brochure, would be to add more pictures throughout the story, showing the different things as they are discussed. Other than that, great job!
ReplyDeleteHello Alyssa. This is my first visit to your storybook and I think you have a done a good job. I took a peek at your blog introduction and it seems that you have chosen a storybook that goes right along with your interests so that is good because you are writing about a subject you know about. Your layout is great. You chose a title that gives the reader enough information so that they know what they are getting in to. The cover page picture you chose is great. To say it stands out is an understatement. The picture is huge. Taking the reader on a virtual tour of India was a great way to give the reader some information about the country while at the same time being able to tell the story of some of the characters. You did a great job of writing this from the perspective of someone that was looking to travel, so when reading you storybook it made me want to visit India and see some of these sites. Overall I think you have a done a great job with your storybook.
ReplyDeleteHi Alyssa! I really enjoyed looking over your storybook this week and reading some of your awesome stories. Your story book seems really interesting and it shows how passionate you are about the topic you chose. Your layout was really easy to follow and I had no trouble navigating around your storybook. Your title is also really interesting. When I first looked over it, the title really sucked me in and made me want to read more. I always like reading things with catchy titles, so your story book really hooked me in! Your picture on the front is amazing as well. I am a big visual person, so the huge picture on the front page really attracted me. I thought your idea of taking people on a virtual tour of India is a great and unique idea. I have never been to India before, but really want to go in the future when I have enough time and money (which will probably be when I retire 40 years on down the road!). Overall, your storybook shows your passion to travel and see the world and it really made me want to go hop on a plane and see the world as well! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Alyssa, I really appreciate all the comments you've left on my posts. Hope your semester ends well.
ReplyDeleteHey good afternoon Alyssa! I just finished reading your Storybook or I guess I should call it travel brochure. Anyways, I have to say, it was absolutely fantastic. First off I really liked the background, it really made it feel as though I was reading through a high class travel booklet. I also liked how it wasn’t anything super colorful or abrasive like some storybooks. The format also made it easy to navigate and go from one location to the next. Your choice of font was well chosen as well, It made the reading easy on the eyes and wasn’t anything too hard or to difficult to decipher. As for the story, the imagery and information you shared on the places truly pulled me in. The touring around these beautiful places made me want to travel to every single one of the locations myself. I feel as though you highlighted the significance of each place very well too. I was able to actually connect and imagine the characters that had been apart of making these locations so famous. The pictures you chose to add to each story was great because you could actually put an image to the awesome things you described. All the pictures were also very high quality and were for the most part pictures I had never seen before. One thing I do wish you would have added is a phone number to book a trip. It was a real pleasure reading your Storybook. Best of luck with the rest of the semester.
ReplyDeleteHi Alyssa! Thank you for all your comments and feedback through out the semester. I enjoyed reading them and using them to my benefit. Thanks again!
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